Author: victoriarosenberg

  • Our Family Adventures: What We Consider When Planning An Outing

    Our Family Adventures: What We Consider When Planning An Outing

    I have a little magnetic bookmark in my day planner with the daily reminder to “sometimes plan and sometimes wing it.” I’ll admit, I’m not the best at winging it, but the occasional spur-of-the-moment, after-school adventure or trip out for smoothies and ice cream has been known to happen! In my experience, and taking our three kids and their different needs into account, planning is less of a choice and more of a necessity.

    Today I’ll walk you through what we consider when planning an outing for our family. It may seem like a lot of steps, but I’ve found that the more information we have beforehand, the smoother the whole experience goes.

    A lot of our ideas for outings come from Instagram. When I see a suggestion, the first thing I do is go to the search function, click on Places, and type in the location. This helps me to see what the outing looks like from the perspective of families and visitors who have tagged their photos (rather than solely from the places themselves or influencers). I’m able to get an idea of the variety of attractions available, the general layout, and different ways that others have approached their visit. It also helps to see aspects that aren’t stylized or always shown on an official feed. 

    From there, I’ll often email the business or attraction, if possible. Years ago, I used to feel like Y’s diagnosis was none of their business and didn’t mention it. Time and experience taught me that it was unreasonable to expect accommodations that would be helpful for Y specifically without offering information. Most information can be gathered from a website, Google, or a social media page, but I feel that reaching out and expressing our interest in visiting and inquiring as to their experience with autistic guests is eye opening. Just the response itself can often tell us if the outing is appropriate – if they’re less than forthcoming about accessibility, or accommodations, or their experience with neurodivergent guests, it’s better to know early rather than at a ticket booth. If they’re comfortable discussing different ways to make the experience as successful as possible, or have their own specific tips, etc., it really makes all the difference.

    Important factors we also take into consideration include:

    Parking 
    I like to clarify the parking situation, whether through Google or calling the location itself, if possible. Is accessible parking available? Is there alternate parking that would provide an easier experience? Is parking provided or public (and if public, is it busy and difficult to get a spot)? How far is the parking lot from the main location? This helps to decide if we should bring the wagon, so that Y isn’t already tired or irritated when we arrive, or if it’s close enough that walking isn’t going to have a big effect. Finally, the cost of parking is something I try to ascertain before leaving, so it’s not a shock when we arrive and starts off the experience negatively.

    Travel Time
    Y usually doesn’t have an issue with long car rides, but taking into consideration how far we have to travel is still something I consider in terms of in-car activities, sensory toys, and preferred snacks on-hand. Also, if it’s far, it helps to decide on what time we’ll visit, since we don’t want to be caught in traffic on the way home, in rush hour, adding to an already lengthy journey. 

    Terrain/Accessibility
    This is often difficult to confirm until we arrive, especially if we’re visiting trails or other public locations. Last summer, with a stroller + wagon, it was often difficult to navigate paths and more than once we had to go back to the car, return the stroller, and then head out again on foot. I’ve found that parent forums and scouring the Instragram places results for a location has been most helpful in clarifying the level of accessibility offered.

    Quiet Spots
    I try to find out if there are quiet spots where we’d be able to take a break if things become too overwhelming (or even if it’s just really hot or we get tired). This can be as simple as a picnic area, a grassy patch, or, in the best case scenario, a space specifically set aside such as a family/ quiet break room. I also try to research to see how much general noise there will be. Are there spontaneous performances or announcements? Is there background music playing? Etc.

    Size of Location/ How Busy It Is
    I will often email a location and inquire as to their busiest times in order to plan our visit and arrival time accordingly. One of the benefits of the protocols last year was ticketed entry, where the number of visitors was always maintained and we didn’t have to worry about long lines at the entrance. This opened up so many more possibilities for us (rather than having to go at random times or at opening in order to avoid large crowds). Where this isn’t possible, Google is a great resource to check busy times for more public attractions (parks, etc.) that don’t necessarily have a contact number.

    Variety of Activities Offered
    This is something I take into account considering the fact that we have a 2-year-old, 6-year-old, and 7-year-old, all with varying abilities and interests. We try to ensure that our outings have something for each of them, so they’re not bored or frustrated waiting for their sibling to do something they’re unable to (or that we’d feel the pressure standing in line to hurry through something, to get back to the rest of the family). At this stage, I find that the safest bet lies in outings such as farms, splash pads, trails, provincial parks, the beach, and zoos. Here there are fewer attractions reliant on height or ability, and there tend to be more options that are accessible to a wide range of ages and interests.

    Cost
    This can be a very inhibiting factor that prevents families from attempting an outing. The possibility of paying a large fee for a whole family to attend, only to find a lack of accessibility or that the experience is too overwhelming or difficult for whatever reason happens all too often. I highly suggest calling in advance and finding out if there are any accommodations for caregivers/participants with a diagnosis. We’ve found that businesses can be very accommodating and understanding, and offer different types of discounts. (I’ll discuss this further in my next post!)

    I hope these tips help you to feel more prepared to head out on your next adventure! And while this may not apply across the board, I hope that the next time you see a family who looks different from yours, who may need extra accommodations or adaptations to enjoy their day out, you understand what it took for them to get there. If you ask a friend or family member to just head out for the day, and they’re less than enthusiastic, please know that the appreciation for being included and thought of is there, but also think back to this and remember all the factors they may have to take into consideration, all the planning and the accommodation to a routine that needs to take place, before they can pick up their bags and go! Sure, some may feel this is overkill and that they maybe don’t need to consider all of these components, but if you do and if it helps you feel better equipped to go out, then there’s no shame in that at all!

    Outings and adventures require a lot of work (and a lot of luck) and while it can be overwhelming, we have found that it is always worth it. We’re able to implement the concepts that are worked on tirelessly in classrooms and therapy centres out into the real world. Waiting in lines, taking turns, learning social cues, and more, are all given the space and opportunity to be put into practice. The successful outings encourage us to get out again and again, and the more difficult ones teach us more about our son and more about what we can do to accommodate him as well as what to advocate for in future attempts.

    Other Posts in this Series:
    Summer Adventures & Accessibility

  • Summer Adventures & Accessibility

    Summer Adventures & Accessibility

    I am so excited to share this series with you! M & I have always made adventures and outings a priority for our family and even more so after Y received his autism diagnosis at just 22 months old. At that time, N was 5 months old and had already had a NICU stay, two surgeries, and was an outpatient at two different hospitals, alternating appointments at each every two weeks. Getting out, even if it was for a walk to our neighborhood park, gave us an opportunity to take a deep breath and feel like we were just like any other ordinary family.

    I will be honest and tell you that it was not easy. Not at all. There’s one outing that stands out for me and my husband, specifically. We had spent the morning at the hospital in a pre-surgical consult for N. We were already emotional and trying not to let our concerns and fear overwhelm us, when we pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the zoo. At this point, Y was about three months away from being diagnosed and had already been to see an ophthalmologist and two audiologists to rule out different concerns. Regardless of those results coming back clear, we were continuing to advocate for a more in-depth assessment, specifically one that was focused on development. When we arrived at the zoo, there were plenty of other kids Y’s age around us. It was one of the first times we had gone out where this was the case. Usually our outings consisted more of indoor play places during off times or walks in the city exploring new sites, where there wasn’t necessarily as much interaction. I’ll never forget watching other toddlers run around and excitedly point out the animals, running right up to the fence, pointing, or making animal sounds. We looked over at Y who was fascinated with the grass. When we brought him to the animals, he couldn’t follow our pointing. Unless one came right up to the gate and was in his space, it was as if it wasn’t there. He wasn’t excited about the sights or activities that were offered and preferred to sit on M’s shoulders and calmly look around. Regardless of how hard we tried to encourage him to attend to everything that was offered around us, he was perfectly content just running around, or sitting and focusing on the grass, or whatever happened to catch his attention. We were already emotional from the pre-surgical consult and then to watch Y react so differently than every other kid at the zoo his age… I’ll just say that to this day that memory still stands out.

    Getting out has been difficult in other ways too. Everything from the length of lines resulting in unavoidable meltdowns, to not having a very specific preferred snack available, to inaccessible washrooms, to not enough variety for our kids and their very different abilities, and more. These are all topics I’ll address in a series of upcoming posts!

    While any parent can tell you that outings aren’t the easiest experience in the world, there’s an added level of awareness and preparation required when one of your kids has a diagnosis, whether cognitive, physical, a combination of the two, or another altogether. What I hope to relay with this series is that if you’re in a place where you’re ready to attempt this, if it’s something you want to try, or if you’re just looking for new ideas and tips, you’ll find endless support, encouragement, and a community here who gets it, free of judgement.

    I also hope that those who don’t need to take accessibility into account when planning their outings also find that they have something to gain from this. Maybe the next time you see a family park in an accessible parking spot when they don’t seem to have mobility issues, before any assumptions can even be made, you remember what you’ve read here. Maybe you’ll be better prepared if your child asks questions about someone stimming, or using a mobility device, or who they feel is “different.” Maybe you’ll recognize and appreciate the accessible accommodations available when you’re out that you may not have noticed before. And above all, maybe you’ll become an ally, someone who is willing and ready to also speak up for accessible accommodations, regardless of your personal needs, and be more aware of the different families enjoying a day out, just like you!

    Here’s a peek at upcoming posts in this series!

    #2 How We Choose An Outing 
    #3 Access 2
    #4 Invisible Disabilities
    #5 Five Favourite Trails Near Toronto

    Please let me know if there’s something you’d like me to focus on, look into, or discuss! I’m more than happy to take suggestions and share similar posts and experiences as well! You can comment below or send me an email (victoria@itsybitsybalebusta.com).

  • Recently Read! (May 2021)

    Recently Read! (May 2021)

    Here are my May 2021 Reads!

    Have you read any of these? I’d love to hear what you thought!

    The Girl Who Reads on the Metro
    (Christine Féret-Fleury)
    This was very different from the types of books I typically read. I found that I had to pay close attention and often go back and re-read a page to avoid getting super confused. Initially, the story is fairly ordinary – we meet Juliette who while on her commute to work imagines what lives her fellow commuters lead based on the books they’re reading. On a detour to her office one day, she comes across a little girl, Zaide, whose father, Soliman, has a wide, extensive collection of books. Piles of these books are given to “passeurs” who then, using their intuition, match them with people. There are philosophical conversations, twists and turns, and at the heart of it all, a deep, unwavering love for books and a recognition of the power they hold within their pages.


    I Was Told It Would Get Easier
    (Abbi Waxman)
    This is the third title I’ve read by Abbi and her voice is just as sincere, genuine, and hilarious throughout each page! I Was Told It Would Get Easier tells Jessica and Emily’s story, a mother and daughter whose relationship is progressing through the teenage years. Together they go on a college campus tour across the Eastern US and as the miles accumulate, so do hilarious and poignant moments between the two of them. While Jessica deals with complications at work and Emily worries about a situation she left behind at school, they both learn a lot about each other and themselves.


    New Girl in Little Cove
    (Damhnait Monaghan)
    I really, really enjoyed this novel! It takes place in Newfoundland in 1985 and provides a comprehensive look into the culture and lifestyle of a small town in the east. Seeking an escape from her life back in Toronto, Rachel accepts a position as a French teacher in Little Cove. She initially boards with a woman in town, whom she develops a close bond with. The plot line seamlessly navigates controversial topics, love, trauma, and the power of friendship and connection.


    All About Us
    (Tom Ellen)
    One of my favourite books this month! I love the fact that this story is told from the male perspective! It has a very Christmas Carol vibe, where Ben goes through the past, present, and future to different variations of his life. He’s able to see how his decisions and attitude affect not only himself, but those around him, from his mother, to his best friend Harvey, and especially his wife Daphne. There’s romance and whimsy, heartache, and a whole rollercoaster of emotions as Ben goes through each experience. It was beautifully written and captivating!


    The Bounty
    (Janet Evanovich, Steve Hamilton)
    I didn’t realize this was part of a series when I requested it from the library! Having said that, I didn’t feel like I had missed out on anything that would have been crucial before reading this book other than the development of relationships between the characters. Special Agent Kate O’Hare and international con man, Nick Fox, together with a somewhat misfit crew, set about to locate $30B of lost gold. It was a fast-paced novel with bursts of mystery, adrenaline-filled chases, and humour.


    Everything After
    (Jill Santopolo)
    This ended up being very different from what I expected, but was a good read nonetheless! After a tragedy, Emily considers what her life would have been like had she pursued a different dream and then actually goes for it! There are repercussions felt by her husband, Ezra, as well as friends from the present and past, but Emily goes forward with her journey, while attempting to shape her future into something that truly brings her contentment and fulfillment, and addresses the what ifs she clearly still held on to.


    Things You Save in a Fire
    (Katherine Center)
    I really liked this novel! Cassie transfers to a firehouse in Boston, where not only is she the sole female in the unit, but the very first as well. She makes the move after an incident in her previous unit as well as to help her ailing mother, who she has been somewhat estranged from. Elements of mystery, love, friendship, and family dynamics are seamlessly weaved throughout the story. Cassie’s strength and growth throughout each chapter is undeniable and inspiring!

  • Ontario – May 2021

    Ontario – May 2021

    When you think of someone who is strong and resilient who comes to mind?

    Your mother? Sister? A relative or friend? A public figure?

    Where would you put yourself on that list? Top 5? 10? 100?

    Or did you leave yourself off altogether?

    I’ve never really referred to myself as strong – it either felt egotistical or I felt like there were so many others out there accomplishing and facing so much more, that I had no claim to that adjective. What does it even mean to be strong? Is strength something that comes naturally, something that is nurtured, or something that is the result of the circumstances we find ourselves in?

    Apparently, I have a lot of questions on this topic!

    I can tell you that, over this past year, I’ve reevaluated my definition of what it means to be “strong.” It takes strength to explain to my kids, again and again, that school is closed, we can’t see family, there are no outings we’re able to go on yet, no playdates and that no, I don’t know how much longer this will go on. It takes strength to sit through another zoom lesson, encouraging and redirecting my son, when all I want to do is log off. It takes strength to log off on the days that are just too much, accepting that we’re going to have to step outside of our routine and regroup. It takes strength to take on every role as PSWs, respite workers, and other support systems we had in place pre-2020 have yet to resume. It takes strength to navigate appointments, meetings, emails, and different diagnoses from my dining room table, holding a toddler, while zoom class takes place in the background. Almost 15 months later, I’m no longer as enthusiastic about adapting or pivoting or resiliency, all ideals that have been spoken about and celebrated to great lengths. Now, I’m just tired. As simple and straightforward as that may sound, it pretty much encompasses it all.

    I’m also so proud. I’m proud that we’ve done absolutely everything in our power to stay safe and keep those around us as safe as possible as well. I’m proud that we’ve logged on to class as often as we have, that we’ve navigated tantrums and meltdowns, therapeutic trials, appointments, and some really hard days from our home, as a little team. I honestly didn’t think I could do the initial two weeks that had been announced, and yet 15 months later, we’re getting up every day, putting one foot in front of the other, and trying our very best. Whether that means taking the day hour by hour sometimes, or minute by minute others, we’re (still) doing it!

    I’m not naive or ignorant – I know that others have it much worse. But in much the same way that leaving ourselves off that list of who we consider to be strong, not recognizing the difficulty we’re each facing is also detrimental. This isn’t a competition, and while we may have our similarities, everyone finds themselves with their own unique challenges. Our lives demand us to be strong every single day, in different ways and to different degrees, and that, above all else, is worthy of acknowledgement. Celebrate how you show up, however that may look!


    I hope you’re able to take a minute today to realize the million and one ways that you’re strong, day in and day out. If you live in Ontario especially, you’re pushing through almost a year and a half later, and that’s nothing to look down at! We’re hours away from what is, hopefully, a productive and meaningful announcement. Regardless of what is broadcast, we will face it and do our best to keep going!

  • It’s Personal

    It’s Personal

    For the last week, I’ve started and re-started this post so many times. I don’t want to stay quiet in the midst of so much strife and misinformation being disseminated. I’ve been in awe of accounts like @mayahoodblog @pharmieinthecity @therealhadassa and @jessicawaks among others, for their ability to share in an informed manner, with so much respect and humility. There are a million things I want to say, but then I scroll through and see images that have kept me up at night, and the hostility and volatility in the comment sections, and I’ll admit that I’m deterred. I see acquaintances sharing memes across social media that are performative at best and at worst, unknowingly inciting hate and violence beyond the relative safety of a digital screen and out into the actual street. You won’t find memes or infographics on my pages, for no other reason than I refuse to start a conversation that is so absolutely complex without feeling confident in my knowledge of the history and situation. I’m not informed enough to engage in a meaningful and productive conversation, so I won’t initiate it through re-posting anything when emotions are so high. I’m educating myself and am in no place to educate. I am doing what I can to learn about the situation, beyond social media and emotionally-loaded headlines, and continuing to daven, strengthen my emunah, and take upon myself to watch what I do and how I speak. I can’t control what others think of me, but I can control how I carry myself.

    I’m about to share something that I’ve never spoken publicly about before. In the past I’ve considered speaking about it around Shavuos or my Hebrew birthday, but in the end I always let that pass by without saying much. Given what’s happening in the world today, it feels like a pretty awful time to reveal this side of myself and my history, but for the first time I also feel that it’s important to.

    I am a giyores.

    Thirteen years ago, I started on a journey that was at times inspiring and filled with hope and, at other times, depleting and more difficult than I could have ever anticipated. I was the recipient of selfless generosity and the warmest hospitality and I also witnessed animosity and was antagonized. At the end of the day (truthfully, many years into the process) I learned it had nothing to do with anyone else. If Hashem willed it, if He put me where I was, gave me the strength for years to do my hishtadlus, then it didn’t matter what was happening around me, as long as I kept firm to what I was doing and continued to do my best.

    Even after I had completed the process, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I’ve struggled with my faith through my children’s diagnoses, watching them struggle, after emergency ambulance rides, sitting in surgical waiting rooms, and through high-risk pregnancies. I’ve struggled and worked and fought and cried and have grown in ways that continue to shape the Jewish woman I am today. By no means has it been a seamless or easy path, not from the day I made my decision to today when I opened my siddur, What it has always, always been though, is worth it.

    The world is terrifying right now, but I also wonder how so for the friends I grew up with or my own family? I have no personal, generational link to the holocaust. In high school, it was a part of the curriculum and we spent a year delving into it. I remember having nightmares after watching the videos and hearing the accounts of survivors. I remember being so deeply affected by it all. I also remember feeling separated from it. That it didn’t happen to me, or my family, or the generations in our family tree before us.

    My husband is the grandson of survivors. I had the privilege of hearing their story first-hand during a seder meal eight years ago. It was beyond anything I had learned in my classrooms or anything I had read or seen. There were no images, just words and a recounting so chilling and filled with emotion, that it was beyond anything I had experienced before.

    The response is always, “never again,” but if you’ve looked through the posts and reports shared over the last week, that’s becoming a lot harder to believe. As a visible, Jewish woman, married to Jewish man, raising three Jewish kids, I’m scared in a way that I’ve been privileged not to be before.

    I may not be posting and speaking out online, but within the walls of our home, difficult and important conversations are taking place, between my husband and I, and with our children at a level that is appropriate for them. I may not be posting infographics, but I am learning. I may not be storying and speaking out, but we are doing our best to raise informed children, equally strong in their love and practice of yiddishkeit, and who value and live the concept of, Veahavta l’rayacha kamocha – love your neighbor as yourself, regardless of their abilities, diagnoses, citizenship, ethnicity etc. In a world that feels like it’s in free fall, doing our very best every day and keeping this one line in mind may not be everything, but it’s a good start.