Tag: victoria

For the last week, I’ve started and re-started this post so many times. I don’t want to stay quiet in the midst of so much strife and misinformation being disseminated. I’ve been in awe of accounts like @mayahoodblog @pharmieinthecity @therealhadassa and @jessicawaks among others, for their ability to share in an informed manner, with so much respect and humility. There are a million things I want to say, but then I scroll through and see images that have kept me up at night, and the hostility and volatility in the comment sections, and I’ll admit that I’m deterred. I see acquaintances sharing memes across social media that are performative at best and at worst, unknowingly inciting hate and violence beyond the relative safety of a digital screen and out into the actual street. You won’t find memes or infographics on my pages, for no other reason than I refuse to start a conversation that is so absolutely complex without feeling confident in my knowledge of the history and situation. I’m not informed enough to engage in a meaningful and productive conversation, so I won’t initiate it through re-posting anything when emotions are so high. I’m educating myself and am in no place to educate. I am doing what I can to learn about the situation, beyond social media and emotionally-loaded headlines, and continuing to daven, strengthen my emunah, and take upon myself to watch what I do and how I speak. I can’t control what others think of me, but I can control how I carry myself.

I’m about to share something that I’ve never spoken publicly about before. In the past I’ve considered speaking about it around Shavuos or my Hebrew birthday, but in the end I always let that pass by without saying much. Given what’s happening in the world today, it feels like a pretty awful time to reveal this side of myself and my history, but for the first time I also feel that it’s important to.

I am a giyores.

Thirteen years ago, I started on a journey that was at times inspiring and filled with hope and, at other times, depleting and more difficult than I could have ever anticipated. I was the recipient of selfless generosity and the warmest hospitality and I also witnessed animosity and was antagonized. At the end of the day (truthfully, many years into the process) I learned it had nothing to do with anyone else. If Hashem willed it, if He put me where I was, gave me the strength for years to do my hishtadlus, then it didn’t matter what was happening around me, as long as I kept firm to what I was doing and continued to do my best.

Even after I had completed the process, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I’ve struggled with my faith through my children’s diagnoses, watching them struggle, after emergency ambulance rides, sitting in surgical waiting rooms, and through high-risk pregnancies. I’ve struggled and worked and fought and cried and have grown in ways that continue to shape the Jewish woman I am today. By no means has it been a seamless or easy path, not from the day I made my decision to today when I opened my siddur, What it has always, always been though, is worth it.

The world is terrifying right now, but I also wonder how so for the friends I grew up with or my own family? I have no personal, generational link to the holocaust. In high school, it was a part of the curriculum and we spent a year delving into it. I remember having nightmares after watching the videos and hearing the accounts of survivors. I remember being so deeply affected by it all. I also remember feeling separated from it. That it didn’t happen to me, or my family, or the generations in our family tree before us.

My husband is the grandson of survivors. I had the privilege of hearing their story first-hand during a seder meal eight years ago. It was beyond anything I had learned in my classrooms or anything I had read or seen. There were no images, just words and a recounting so chilling and filled with emotion, that it was beyond anything I had experienced before.

The response is always, “never again,” but if you’ve looked through the posts and reports shared over the last week, that’s becoming a lot harder to believe. As a visible, Jewish woman, married to Jewish man, raising three Jewish kids, I’m scared in a way that I’ve been privileged not to be before.

I may not be posting and speaking out online, but within the walls of our home, difficult and important conversations are taking place, between my husband and I, and with our children at a level that is appropriate for them. I may not be posting infographics, but I am learning. I may not be storying and speaking out, but we are doing our best to raise informed children, equally strong in their love and practice of yiddishkeit, and who value and live the concept of, Veahavta l’rayacha kamocha – love your neighbor as yourself, regardless of their abilities, diagnoses, citizenship, ethnicity etc. In a world that feels like it’s in free fall, doing our very best every day and keeping this one line in mind may not be everything, but it’s a good start.

I am so excited to start on this new adventure and even more thrilled that you’re here!

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that more often than not, at the end of my captions, you’ll find “continued in the comments below.” I just can’t help it! When it comes to topics that I’m passionate about, there’s just so much that I want to say and I was ready to give myself some more space to do it!

Much like my Instagram page, this site will revolve around three main concepts: advocacy, lifestyle, and motherhood. I want this to be a place that inspires you to learn more about different diagnoses (with a focus on autism specifically) as well as invisible disabilities and matters related to accessibility. I hope to show that different does not mean less in any way, shape, or form, and that we’re all more alike than we think!

I chose to go with my name for this site because it was the clearest way to show that what you’ll find here is an honest and candid reflection of who I am. I’m not only an advocate. I’m not only a mom or avid reader, a writer or a wife. On this page, you’ll find pieces that I hope will help shed awareness and cultivate acceptance. In another post, you may come away with a recommendation for a book that I especially enjoyed. In yet another, I’ll share products that help make our life easier. I’ll share about outings and appointments, day-to-day reflections on motherhood, and I’ll do so honestly, sincerely, and as openly as possible.

Over the past year, so much has changed and social media became one of the few places I could escape to, as we’ve been stuck in seemingly endless stay at home orders. Between getting snacks, sitting through zoom lessons, acting as technical support, or trying to be everything to everyone at all times, I stepped back and tried to figure out what I could do for me, within the four walls of our home. I decided to invest in myself, to become more serious about my writing and purchased this domain. I decided to give myself a place where I could write and share beyond my Instagram feed and hopefully, make a difference.

I’m not only genuinely thrilled that you’re here, I’m appreciative too. The words I write are only effective if they’re read and each post that you take the time to go through, each comment or share, absolutely blows me away. Thank you for being here, for helping me create this amazing community, and for growing with me, from one adventure to another!